Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Wednesday Wisdom: Marathons and Marriage

This post is going to be open and honest. It may cause some of you to think I'm a horrible and selfish human being. But if you read on you'll see my heart. I'm just hoping to share what I've learned and hopefully will help someone else in the process.
For those of you who have been following my blog since the beginning (Bless your souls!) you know I had been a single parent for a number of years. As a single parent life teaches you a few lessons. Not all good ones either. 

You learn how to have thick skin.  
You learn to be your own source of strength. 
Your own boss. You are mother and father. 
You are the sole provider. 
You learn that people hurt you. Lie to you. 
So you learn to not trust easily. 
You call the shots. 
You learn to become fiercely independent. 
You don't need anybody. 
You become in a word, prideful. 

It's made me a stronger woman, yes,
but what happens when you fall in love and get engaged? 
Letting go of pain is hard. 
Letting go of...
Control. 
Fear. 
Worry. 
Doubt. 
Pride. 
Total Independence. 

It's not just you anymore. Learning to work together and live your life with someone else's needs before your own is tricky and won't come natural at first. My son's needs came natural. But this engaged thing this is different. It's wonderful, beautiful, exciting, surreal. 
But becoming engaged has been the hardest thing for me in the same token. I know, I know that sounds dumb. But it truly has! It's been the best and easiest thing ever but also the hardest thing. Make sense? I've learned an awful lot about myself in the process. 
When it's just you calling the shots for so many years it's hard to remember you're part of a team now. 
There's no I in team. My fiancĂ© is not the enemy. 
What does this have to do with marathons? Everything. And nothing. 
Also, for those of you who have been following this blog for quite some time you know I LOVE the marathon. It's my favorite distance and I have a huge goal to qualify for Boston. 
When I became engaged I was afraid of "losing" myself and losing the person I had become and was afraid I could never run marathons again. {{Insert being overly dramatic here. *le sigh* and hangs head in shame.}}
But in reality, the only thing I'm "losing" is the ugly and lonely side of myself.

I've gained:

My partner in crime err life
My biggest support system 
A workout partner who teaches me new things 
A friend who always has my back
A confidant who isn't afraid to tell me like it is 
And a confidant to encourage me and remind it's ok to not be ok sometimes 
A date night hunk 
A hand to hold 
A prayer partner 
A teammate 
A running friend 
A lover through all our walks in life. 
And so much more...

I hope this makes some sense to someone. I could delve so much deeper into my thoughts, fears, and explanations, but I find this much is perfectly appropriate. 

And, he's promised me if I can and do BQ that we would go to Boston!

Who's cheering me on to BQ to hold him to his word?! And hold onto him?!

I promised him after Boston that I'd birth his babies. He said I'd better hurry and qualify then. Let's do this. ;-)


How does running impact your relationships? Do you run together? Do you have similar goals/hobbies?

***Happy (& Blessed) Running!!*** 


I love this guy. P's signature race pose...apperantly. 

2 comments:

  1. I can totally relate. Not with being a single mom but with being independant. When I came to the US I was all by myself and all I had to worry about was myself. It was great to finally meet somebody and share experiences and have fun, but it also took me a while to feel home in his house or call things he owned ours, But it will get better and soon you will laugh about this!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the encouragement and kind words!!

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Thanks for the love :~)