Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Marathon Training and The Emotional State of The Single Mother

I've hit the wall. The emotional wall so to speak. And I'm not even quite sure how to describe it except this, I feel as though I've lost my mind and that I have failed. Miserably. At everything.  For the past 4 months I have had no life. My world has been consumed with running, eating, sleeping, working, running some more. My house is a wreck. I feel as though I've let down my son. Although, he cheers for me and is proud of my running and I have always tried my best to get my runs in before he wakes or while he is in school so I'm not missing any additional time with him. That being said, I've had too many days where I've been totally wiped out and felt I had zero energy left for him. What if the roles were reversed and I put more energy into parenting? I can't help but compare this. As goes for time with family and friends. Hardly at all. I feel as though I've failed everyone around me and drove them all mad. "No I'm sorry I can't attend this or that function because 1.) I have to run or 2.) Because I'm tired because I've trained so hard."  lousy lousy me.  And my poor co-workers... all they probably think of me is, "OMG! If she says marathon or run once more she is getting smacked!"
I realize all this. Let this be my sincere public apology. I'm sorry I've been a total nut job. This all got me to thinking, is this worth it? Have I been completely selfish? Have I neglected so much in my life that I've seriously messed up things in my little real world? When my first goal was to be an encourager in my little corner of my world I feel as though I've missed the mark. I know that I can do nothing apart from HIM who works in and through me. Somehow I've forgotten this in the process. Just days before the marathon and I come crashing down...

**Tell me, have you felt like a running failure before?**

8 comments:

  1. I think that most runners (and people) think of themselves as a complete failure at some point in their life. The problem with black and white thinking is that it just isn't reality (although most of us naturally go there). Try to challenge yourself to see the shades of gray- I guarantee you aren't a 100% total failure in each of those areas, even if you aren't doing 100% perfectly either. You're likely somewhere in between:)

    Do you think you could down on our workouts a bit, like maybe cut out one day of running a week or shorten a cross training session in order to give yourself a little more time, rest, and sanity?

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    1. Well I'm taper mode so have cut back lately ...I cut back on XT too. The full-time job and house work made full-time training almost impossible! So I've definitely tried my best to balance things out by cutting back. You're right though...I've gotten some things right :-) just feeling bogged down with mommy guilt this week.

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  2. Hang in there Jessica. Do what you feel like you can, the housework will be there after the marathon. The example you are setting for your son, of training hard and accomplishing a goal is so valuable. After that reevaluate what is practical and maybe some ways you can incorporate cross training with your son, maybe.

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  3. Thank you Steph! You're right housework WILL be there after. :-) I'd like to try to get some good swimming in with him next summer.

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  4. Marathon training can do this and I sometimes feel like that as well. That is the reason I only do 1 marathon a year. The training phase is 3 months and then I have 9 months to focus on life and friends again. Running helps you personally and makes you feel better. So, don't feel bad to take care of yourself for a few months!

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    1. Thank you! It feels so good to get back to real life! But I feel so lost without a training plan. What do I do now?? haha!

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  5. Running is my "escape" I love it so much but, yes, I do feel guilty! I really think it's a Mom thing! and I know that my husband is SO SO SO sick of my "run talk" sigh:(

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    1. I know my co-workers are SO SO SO sick of my run talk too! hee hee but that's okay we can can talk running with each other :-)

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Thanks for the love :~)